The Utter Depths of Hell; a.k.a Xi-An

Xi-An


Our flight to Xi-An was uneventful and we arrived at the City Hotel Xian early in the evening. We were tempted to go see something that evening, but we were too exhausted and had NO idea what was coming. So it’s a good thing we saved our energy for the next day… in hell. We had passed through the gates and were headed for the fiery furnaces of Chinese hell.


We contacted the tour office that just happened to be in the hotel, and bought tickets to go see the Terra Cotta Warriors. This tour was going to leave a 9, return at 4 and it included lunch. Sounded pretty good.


The brochure didn’t mention the death march through the furnaces of hell. 

Our tour guide

Still with our American enthusiasm we meet our 20-year old tour guide in the lobby. We pile into a kind of shabby bus which didn’t leave until 9:30. We’re already behind schedule. We think we’re on our way to the Terra Cotta Warriors until the bus stops and we are asked to get off and stand in the heat while they figure out who is going on which vehicle. Of course, Patti and Leanne get stuck on the small tiny little van with 6 other unlucky souls who will be our companions on this torturous day. Off we go.


We are riding in a small van, with air conditioning that really isn’t working, through the worst smog we’ve seen. We crammed into this tin can of a van and our perky little tour guide wants us to go around and introduce ourselves to each other. We don’t want to because we’re already hot, but we did. There were 2 elderly Aussies, a young German man, 2 Italians and Joe from Utah. This was the best part of the trip. Nice people. But everyone was getting crankier by the minute because it was HOT.

Patti as Warrior

Half an hour later, we pull into what the tour guide called a “research center” which was really a souvenir shop. We unload into the courtyard and the tour guide introduces us to our “expert” who told us how the Terra Cotta Warriors were made, while standing next to a FREAKING KILN which was fired up. 


Needless, to say, none of stayed to hear the full explanation about how they were fired. And we couldn’t understand a word he said anyway. We knew how they were fired - just set ‘em out in the sun for God’s sake. Ten more minutes and we were gonna be Terra Cotta warriors.


Inside the research center, which oddly enough had lots and lots of little terra cotta warriors for sale (along with a lot of other stuff) we milled about for a respectable amount of time,  reluctant to leave the air conditioning. Then, back in the van. Sardine city.


Off we go, hoping that now we are actually going to the Terra Cotta Warriors. Twenty minutes later we turn into what looks like the parking lot of Disney World - but no Goofy dolls on a stick. Out of the van, we had to walk a good ways to the ticket booth. Our helpful little tour guide said we could pay an extra 5 yuan to ride in an electric car. We didn’t know where the car was going or how far it was, but to shut her up we hand over the 5 yuan because we’re standing in the sun in the furnaces of hell.


We walk another 100 yards to get on some glorified golf carts and we ride around to the first gate where they check our “babies” - what our tour guide called our tickets. We were cautioned to take good care of our babies because they would check our babies three times. We didn’t know what the hell she was talking about and anyway, by now, Leanne was trying desperately to go to her happy place so she wouldn’t kill the tour guide.


They check our baby the first time and we go in, thinking we’ve arrived, BUT NOOOOOO! This is a tourist village that has grown up around this exhibit, filled with people trying to sell everything under the sun. We walk and we walk and we walk. There is no shade and these buildings are huge and spread out over a massive area. We’re all about to pass out when the guide stops us in the sun and proceeds to ask if we want to go big to middle to small pit, or if we’d rather go small to middle to big pit. She said Chinese people like to go small to middle to big and American people like to go big to middle to small. In the boiling sun. We don’t freaking care, but we are guarding our babies hoping that eventually we will get to go to the exhibit. We make a decision to go the Chinese route, just so she’ll let us get out of the sun. But of course that meant walking past the large buildings to get to Pit 3. 


We go in… and its not air conditioned and packed with people. Hotter than the halls of Hades. But there they are, finally -- the Terra Cotta warriors in the original excavated pits. And it was pretty impressive to see them.


We gather up to go to Pit 2, the medium pit and our band is looking pretty ragged. The Italians are complaining, the poor Aussies are falling behind and the two young men are nowhere to be found.  But we go to Pit 2. Again, hot and packed with people, but impressive. This pit is just undergoing excavation and we get to see the early stages of discovery. We spend about 20 minutes in there and gather up again. The Aussies are beyond help, one of the Italians has disappear, the other Italian is complaining and the guys are… who knows?

Now we’re off to Pit 1, the biggest of the excavations. We go in, it’s HUGE, very impressive and hotter than the halls of Hades. By now, we are soaking wet, the bottoms of Patti’s feet are sweating, We spend about 30 minutes in there. It’s 1:00 by now and we’re done… in so many ways. 


What we weren’t told is that there were no electric carts to take us BACK. We have to walk. Uphill. Through the turnstiles. In the blazing sun. But they didn’t check our babies the third time. It was too hot for them to worry about it.


Lunchtime! We had elected to have our lunch after viewing the exhibits. So we’re walking… and we’re walking… back through the souvenir village…. And Patti hears the tour guide say, “Oh, it’s closed.” Plan B kicks in, which is to go to the backup restaurant… which is further away… in the sun.  The Aussies are struggling. They are almost 80, and this is too much. The boys stop and buy watermelon for everyone, which was very sweet of them. We stopped at a corner to let the Aussies catch up, but we’re standing in front of a squatting street vendor under a tree, hoping for some shade, but she makes us move out… into the sun. At this point, Patti is almost passing out. For real. Seeing black spots at the edges of her vision. Leanne is grimly marching forward. 


We finally arrive at the restaurant, relieved until we discover that the downstairs is full and we have go climb 2 flights of steep steps to get to the upstairs, un-air-conditioned room. There is a so-called air conditioner there which we have to turn on ourselves, but it does give us some relief. They start bringing the food, and what is it? Hot soup and hot tea. Patti is not impressed. Or hungry. But true to form, Leanne digs in. Leanne has been able to eat everything -- airplane food, hotel food, local food... This is not a new trend. 


The good news -- by this time our little group has bonded, sort of like prisoners of war. 


Patti finishes watching everyone eat, we have cooled off a little bit, and we trudge back to our rickety little van. And off we go back to Xian. In the van, with basically no air conditioning. It’s finally over. And we lived to tell the tale.


Now, we both grew up in the southeast United States. We know hot and humid, or so we thought. This was the hottest, most miserable day of our lives… except, we still didn’t know what was coming.